Have you ever had someone you love let you down or another who failed to fulfill their end of a deal? Maybe you’ve had complete strangers wrong you by letting a door close in your face or by cutting you off on the highway? Would you believe these are gifts?!
(It’s an incredible program and only takes 10-15 minutes every day!)
I consider myself a very forgiving person; even thinking on occasion that I let people off the hook too easily.
But after yesterday’s cleansing ritual and meditation, I realized that I was harboring some pretty toxic feelings – and towards people that I absolutely love!
Ms. Ford revealed:
Releasing the invisible ties to those who have left you, betrayed you, disappointed you or hurt you, you open up to higher realms of love, peace and joy. Without forgiving them and cutting the cords of resentment, you continue to be imprisoned by the very people you’ve spent years (or a lifetime) trying to get away from and you are bound to the incidents that caused the resentment in the first place. And because the outer world is a steadfast reflection of your inner world, these resentment and grudges ensure that you re-create situations that spark the same bad feelings you want to escape from. Resentments and grudges are two of the main culprits that perpetuate cycles of self-abuse and victimhood.
What I realized from yesterday’s consciousness cleanse was that when people piss us off, they are actually presenting us a gift – if we choose to accept it.
I can hear you now, “Have you lost your freakin’ mind, Steph? These people are disrespecting us, walking all over us and damn it, we deserve better!”
No, I haven’t lost my mind and yes, we deserve to be treated better. However, people don’t intentionally set out to hurt others (maybe some do but it’s a small percentage); they’re just wrapped up in their own world. They’re dealing with their own issues or simply trying to cope with life the only way they know how.
So what’s this gift we’re talking about?
When someone does or says something that disappoints, angers or hurts us, they are triggering a very old, internal wound within us from childhood. These are our personal issues that we haven’t yet bothered to heal.
Now before you balk at this, saying that you had the perfect childhood, please keep in mind that perfect parenting is impossible! Childhood development is so rapid that no parent has the capacity or resources to fulfill every need a child experiences. Plus, we’re extremely sensitive as children. We get hurt very easily.
Time to get REAL personal
I’m about to share my recent revelations in hopes that you’ll be inspired to look within yourselves to identify your triggers and childhood wounds. Because, let me tell you, it’s such a FREEING experience! I guarantee that it’ll help you live lighter.
I found out yesterday that I have lingering feelings of resentment and anger towards my Mother, Grandmother and even, my Honey. My Mom is a brave woman and decided to raise me on her own. Needless to say, it was impossible for her to be there for me every time I needed her. As a child, I felt abandoned and neglected at times.
Today, I struggle with people-pleasing and tend to need love, attention and acceptance from others to feel fulfilled and happy. More than likely an effect of my childhood. I’m working on this, mind you. 🙂
So now, when my Honey is dealing with stuff going down in his life and lacks the energy to pay me enough attention when I need it, I get angry with him. I feel unloved, betrayed, neglected, etc. Just as I felt with my Mom when she lacked the resources to meet my needs!
Funny thing, though, I also discovered that I was harboring resentment towards my Grandmother because she would try to make me feel guilty for not spending more time with her. She was feeling neglected and unloved by me! I didn’t realize it at the time because I was so self-absorbed with my own life and troubles.
But this was an amazing insight! And I have to ask, “Did I try to make my Mom feel guilty for not being there for me?” and, “Do I make too many demands on my Honey’s time and energy or try to make him feel guilty?”
What’s my gift in all this mess?
When my loved ones piss me off, they give me the gift of independence. I don’t need anyone to make me happy. Sure, they may help facilitate feelings but essentially my feelings are my own and come from within me. No one can make me feel anything – that’s all up to me.
It seems as though we’re all a bit needy, whether it’s love and attention or autonomy and respect. So what Debbie Ford teaches us in Day 4 of her consciousness cleanse is of the gift of forgiveness. Because really, we’re all just hurt children looking to have our needs met.
So next time someone pisses you off, will you thank them? If you’re up for it, please share some personal insights with us. What are some of your triggers and where do they come from?