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Why Love Can Be Fickle

written by Head Health Nutter February 11, 2010

It’s coming up to the big day of Love. For some, Valentine’s Day is full of meaning, joy and abundance. For others, it can be a painful reminder of love lost. This post is dedicated to everyone who’s ever wondered, “How can love be so fickle?”

If you’re looking for something a little more feel good, please check out these past Live Lighter Valentine’s Day posts: Get Your Love On and Be Healthy and Romance, Chocolate and Health.

For those of you interested in the answer to this age-old question, continue reading. But first, let’s get into the mood with a little Alicia Keys, “Fallin’.”

Why Love Can Be Fickle

How can we fall in and out of love? This is actually a very easy answer.

When life happens, when the stresses become too much in our individual lives, we tend to shut down and withdraw from the world. We become self-absorbed in an effort to protect ourselves from this negative circumstance.

We attempt to process the stress in our own ways. Sometimes we use constructive means, like exercise; other times we use substances, people, objects or activities to distract us from the stress, or help us bury the stress so we can forget about it.

When we fail to process stress, not only are we setting ourselves up for illness and disease, we remain self-absorbed. Often, we end up withdrawing emotionally, physically and mentally from our relationships because we lack the energy to contribute to them.

Unfortunately, this sets us up for loss. Relationships require giving.

When we withdraw from our partners, friends or family members, even if it’s unconscious, the other person feels the disconnection. And it hurts. They then begin to withdraw from us (probably also unconscious) in attempt to protect themselves from this hurt we inadvertently cause them with our actions (or inaction).

When we find ourselves in a one-sided relationship where we’re lacking attention or love, consider that the other person is distancing themselves not because of us, but because of what they’re going through. It’s their way of handling their stress.

The #1 Way You Can Fall Back In Love

Next time you fall out of love, try this:

Rather than looking at what you don’t have in the relationship, focus on what you do have.

Ask yourself:

  1. What made me fall in love with my partner in the first place? People are different when they are stressed. Even if those qualities aren’t being displayed right now, they’re there.
  2. How can I reach out to them? Try asking them if there’s something bothering them. Sometimes all people need is a sympathetic ear and the permission to talk about what they’re experiencing.
  3. What can I do to help them? What about surprising them with something you know they’ll love? Or planning some fun adventure for the two of you?

This Valentine’s Day, what will you do to celebrate the love in your life? And remember, you DO have love in your life, whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not. You just have to look for it.

Interested in a yummy, healthy and romantic recipe for V-Day? Stay tuned for this Saturday’s post!

Here are the lyrics for “Fallin'”:

I keep on fallin’ in and out of love with you
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Loving you darling
Makes me so confused

I keep on fallin’ in and out of love with you
I never loved someone the way that I loved you

Oh, Oh, I never felt this way
How do you give me so much pleasure
And cause me so much pain, yea yea
‘Cause when I think
I’m taking more than would a fool
And I start fallin’ back in love with you


I’m fallin’
I’m fallin
fall, fall, fall, fall

chorus 4x

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