Hallelujah, I’m blogging again! My last post Rollin’ With the Punches was almost two weeks ago when I mentioned my latest life challenge: a computer breakdown. It hasn’t been smooth but I’m back with more lessons to share about health, well-being and personal development!

At the time of the last post, my computer was fixed with a new hard drive but there was a lot of work to be done, including re-installing all my security programs, email programs, configuring them as well as try to recover my lost files. Well, most of it hasn’t gone very smoothly (meaning having to call the companies for support) but at least I now have enough security to blog and email.

I do apologize if the elapsed time has negatively affected anyone, whether you’re a reader or guest blogger; yet I’m confident I’ve been doing my best considering the circumstances. I don’t feel I need to fully explain the situation because I know I successfully prioritized these last two weeks according to my personal needs.

Positive Changes

Before in a situation like this, I would have tried to explain. I would have been racked with stress, worry and guilt because I’d be more concerned with what others would think or how they’d react to my actions (or what would appear to be a lack of action; some would assume I was slacking on my responsibilities as a blogger).

Aha! Not this time. I’m amazed in how I continue to change in positive ways since my spiritual kick-in-the-ass this past summer and in overcoming all it’s subsequent challenges. This time I recognized my needs and priorities, and confidently lived my life at a comfortable pace while dealing with the issues, one at a time, in all areas of my life.

I made those decisions confidently despite what others might think or how they might react. I chose to be respected rather than liked.

I didn’t get (too) stressed that it’s taken so long to get back on my computer because I knew I’d be returning to my hobby and passion when I could manage to do so without compromising my health and well-being. This is the new Steph and it involves accessing my `inner bitch’.

The Old, Sweet Steph and the Consequences

The old Steph (whom I still love and accept) is a sweet, innocent, good-natured woman who constantly thought of others’ feelings, needs and wants before her own.

“But that’s an excellent quality that should be developed,” I can hear you call out to me. “If more people were as selfless it would make the world a better place! Don’t change that!”

But there’s a rub here – if you’re too nice, too generous (especially to those who don’t appreciate it), you often get taken advantage of; and when your giving comes at a cost to your own health and well-being, then you’re not loving yourself and therefore disrespecting yourself.

The old Steph was unsure of herself, and would half-heartedly stand up for herself, beliefs and opinions. I didn’t quite believe in myself in order to be strong to stand up against others’ opinions for what was right. I would often give up and do what was easy: go with the flow and follow the stronger ones around me, even if I knew it wasn’t healthy for me.

Being Healthy, True Self-Confidence & Inspiring Others

Now, interestingly, when I was at my peak health about 3 to 4 years ago, I automatically became stronger and more confident. I DID stand up for myself but because my belief in myself wasn’t quite fully developed, I often became emotionally charged when opposed or felt someone was trying to control or persuade me.

At this point, I came across as resistant, aggressive or pushy myself, and ended up reacting like them (even if it wasn’t their intention) so they felt I was trying to control or persuade them!

The alternative is being self-confident and believing in oneself. When you can do this, you can be less emotional, accept others’ opinions and try to understand them through questions. Hello, conversation!

This shows them you’re trying to understand them (even if you feel you already do understand them and yet still see a different perspective), which in turn usually opens them up to a willingness to try to understand you.

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.

After all this and you still cannot agree or even fully understand where each person is coming from, at least you have built some level of mutual respect so that you can agree to disagree and maintain (or even build) the relationship.

The New Steph: Being a `Sweet Bitch’

I’m attempting now to balance my `inner bitch’ with the old, sweet Steph to make a `Sweet Bitch.’ This new Steph makes decisions based on her own health and well-being first, and then considers how it will affect others (if it does), both positively and negatively.

This is a healthy selfishness (read Making Time for Self-Care and What is Healthy, Balanced Caring?) and I believe it comes from self-love, self-respect and trusting oneself. Doesn’t it make sense that when your personal needs are fulfilled, then you have the energy and resources to help others?

The best is that I’m developing my `Sweet Bitch’ in all areas of my life. I’m learning to say no more often and in different ways, to myself and others. I’m recognizing my boundaries and learning how to communicate them clearly and respectfully.

My recent life event and all the subsequent challenges have taught me the most prized self-realization: I know what’s good for me. I intend to never doubt myself again, and to continue believing and trusting myself. I will continue to be open-minded and listen to others’ opinions, following when they seem right to me and staying strong to my own truth if it should be different.

And my biggest lesson of all: forming a strong relationship with yourself is of utmost importance. It must be full of love, trust and respect. How can you expect others to love, trust and respect you if you don’t love, trust and respect yourself?

Do you find yourself making decisions (doing or saying things) because you’d rather be liked rather than respected, so you never know what YOU really want/need? Or perhaps the opposite: where you’d rather be respected than liked so you become obstinate and close-minded?

Photo taken on Halloween (I was an 18th century bar wench – my new job is at a local Portuguese restaurant and bar, Parada) by Rudy Ens of ENspace Photography.

“You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain’t about how hard you hit… It’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward… how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits.” Rocky Balboa.

If you subscribe to Live Lighter, you’ll know I haven’t posted in over a week. That’s highly unusual for me but it was unavoidable; life hit me with another punch: my computer blew up last week! I’ve been managing my feelings of frustration of being unable to blog, check email and the general upheaval of my life on my computer, taking it in to be fixed while also facing the loss of many important files.

It’s actually funny timing because I was finally starting to feel settled in my fabulous new apartment (and new life following my breakup – read How to Overcome Adversity and Attract What You Want) and after conquering many obstacles (more on this in my upcoming review on a new energy healing technique). I was preparing to get back into my healthy routine since I lost it in the move (along with my favourite appliance, my Oster blender) on October 1st.

The Universe definitely has a sense of humour. The week prior to my hard drive breakdown, even though life’s been really good, I found myself focusing on the past and lamenting on what I’ve lost. I know most of these negative thoughts and feelings are because I’ve been neglecting self-care again… “I just need to unpack a few more boxes and then I’ll feel settled enough to regain my healthy routine,” I’ve been telling myself.

Immediately following the breakup while I was in shock, it was clear to me that what I needed most was self-care to manage the life event, my stress surrounding all the necessary and subsequent changes, and to create a life solely focused on my own happiness (read My Spiritual-Kick-In-the-Ass Saved My Life). And it was easy!

For the rest of the summer (2 months) while I worked and saved money to fund my new life, search for a decent apartment within my budget and pack, my healthy routine gave me a more positive outlook as well as the energy and clarity to do what I needed and wanted to do. It was actually an amazing, happy time (for the most part), because I was taking care of all of my needs first before thinking of what others needed/wanted from me.

It’s going on 5 weeks now where getting settled into my new pad and a new part-time serving gig has taken priority over my physical wellness. Unfortunately, this neglect is beginning to wear on my mental and emotional well-being. I believe that since I’ve been allowing sadness and loss to permeate my thoughts and feelings, the Universe stepped in once again to smarten me up.

Yes, that’s right, I believe I helped manifest this computer breakdown because I haven’t been focusing on all the blessings that have come along with this new life! I’ve gained SO much to be thankful for during this life transition. The people around me recognize this and they’ve not only been pointing out all this goodness to me but also feel it necessary to remind me that I achieved it because of who I really am.

(It’s interesting how people can sense when your self-esteem has taken a beating or when you don’t recognize your own value. Thank you to all the wonderful angels in my life right now who take the time to share with me what you see when you look at me, the real me, both my current strengths as well as my potential!)

Actually, I’m quite proud of how I’ve handled this latest bump in the road and I continue to surprise myself with my mental fortitude (even though I know with a healthier routine NOTHING can ruffle my feathers – I’ve experienced firsthand this superhuman emotional and mental strength). Bring it on!

Although I struggled a bit when it first happened, I quickly managed my thoughts and emotions. I accepted the situation and potential loss, and accessed the knowledge within me that I have what it takes to deal with whatever the consequences turned out to be. And, that dear Readers, is the positive thinking/knowing which I believe helped create a more positive outcome: my Techno Hero gave me hope I could retrieve all my files!

So, what now? I’m working on regaining my healthy routine once again because I know that’s what gives me strength and a limitless perspective. At the same time I’ve got several options to retrieve my lost files and there’s a ton of work to be done on my computer to get it back to the way it was with all my necessary programs and preferred configurations. Of course, this is on top of work, fun and other responsibilities…

I hope you’ll have patience and understanding (posting will probably be sporadic) while I overcome this latest obstacle. I have a whack of guest posts (they were among the lost files but I may still be able to hunt them down in email saved on my server) and I’m still working on Live Lighter’s redesign.

Have you ever realized that you helped create a not-so-fun event in your life?

Life sometimes throws us curve balls; and some of those balls land hard, right in your face. But it’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s how you respond to it. In today’s post I’d like to tell you more about my recent spiritual kick-in-the-ass, the challenges following it and how I attracted exactly what I wanted and needed into my life!

Earlier this year I slipped into a depression. Actually, to be honest, it probably started before that. Ever since moving into my first house over a year and a half ago, I’ve been neglecting my self-care. I kept making excuses, like we were in the middle of renovations, as to why I was unable to get back into my healthy routine.

My lack of self-care ended up affecting all areas of my life. When I was only half-heartedly and inconsistently taking care of my needs for my body, mind and soul, life became hard. I wasn’t really enjoying my freelance writing business anymore, and I felt like a fake blogging about health when I wasn’t walking my talk.

Overtime, my self-confidence deteriorated, I see now that I isolated myself, and hello depression!

My Wake-Up Call

This all really only dawned on me when my spiritual kick-in-the-ass hit (even though I knew better because I’ve been there before and got out myself out of it – that’s when and why I started this blog!). As my depression grew, I began using outside sources to lift me back up; not only substances but also a specific person and my role as a partner in my intimate relationship of almost seven years.

My spiritual-kick-in-the-ass came in the form of a breakup. (By the way, it was a good breakup – it was very mature and loving, actually, and resembled the type of relationship we had overall.) I realize now that I lost myself, reached for something to define `me’ and became attached to my relationship, making it and him more important than myself.

Things happen for a reason. I needed the breakup because I needed a wake-up call, a spiritual kick-in-the-ass. As Dr. Rubin says in The Art of Flourishing:

“Although no one courts misfortune, collective and personal crisis always affords opportunities for profound transformation. Calamity threatens the status quo and is often stressful and exhausting, but it is also the ripest time for change – potentially leading one to breaking through. When the existing coping strategies of either a person or an organization are not working they are more amenable to change.”

I read this a few short weeks after the breakup and it was a big AH-HA for me. The intense emotional pain I experienced during the breakup and the week following it was similar to the physical shock I experienced when I had my hot bath accident. It was almost spiritual – everything became very clear to me, especially my priorities.

It snapped me out of my depression and instantaneously I found myself again! I naturally reached out for what I knew would help me deal with this life event: my healthy routine. The first thing I did after the breakup talk was go for a walk.

Post-Breakup Challenges

I had 3 months to save up for rent, find a place and pack. Plenty of time, right?

So I focused on doing what made me happy: my healthy routine, going out with friends, blogging and freelance writing (yes, once my depression lifted and I found myself again, it came to me easily and I enjoyed it), working part-time as a waitress which I love because I get to be social, active AND make money, and I even started taking martial arts – something I’ve been talking about doing for over three years!

I was having so much fun living life again that I didn’t start looking for a place until about 6 weeks before the move date. To be honest, I believe a big part of me hoped that because I found myself again, my ex and I would fall in love again and start working things out.

Plan A was this awesome apartment in renovated old army barracks on the Lakeshore. Funny thing, I ended becoming attached to this apartment! I stopped looking for other apartments and focused on applying to this one while I packed.

Weeks went by and although the superintendent wanted to rent to me, and she fought to get me in there, the property management group rejected my application because my income was too low (I’ve been working solely on my freelance business for the past few years).

Dealing with feelings of rejection all over the board, I worked through the emotional baggage and held my chin up. Whenever I began feeling scared or negative thoughts entered my head, I caught myself and repeated, “I have many perfect apartments to choose from and fantastic landlords are clamouring over renting to me.”

The Move Day Countdown

With 3 weeks left before the move date, I began to search for apartments owned by private landlords. Because I had been rejected for my low income, I knew I had to focus on my strengths. I bought my credit report online and asked a long-time client to write me a glowing character reference letter. I made copies of my credit score and letter from my client, and hit the streets.

Are you aware of just how many indecent apartments there are in the Toronto area? I didn’t until I went looking for apartments within my budget. I must admit, I placed restrictions on my search as I wanted to live alone (I’ve never done so in my 34 years!) and didn’t want to pay any more than what I’ve been paying with shared housing.

With 2 weeks to go before my move date, every day for 4 days I got a big, bad piece of news. First, the restaurant where I worked during the summer no longer needed me. The next day I found out that my co-signer (yes, that’s right, I didn’t give up on Plan A) failed to meet the property manager’s strict standards while the third day had to do with a health issue that I thought was resolved.

With only 9 days left to find a place, my biggest monthly writing contract client broke the news to me that in her merger with an American company, she would no longer need my services. So here I was suddenly with (practically) no income and trying to find a roof over my head. I took it all fairly well that day, actually laughed at it all, but I needed a Plan C to fall back on.

The week before some friends had offered a room in their house as a temporary solution. I felt safe and comfortable with them and knew it would be a good place where I could heal and get back on my feet. I asked if their offer was still open and they said, “Of course!” Whew.

Attracting What I Wanted & Needed

Although these friends made a very generous offer, the next day I crashed with the full realization of my situation. I felt like a frightened child and just wanted to run away or curl up in a ball and cry like a baby (which I did for a bit). You see, it was very important to me to stand on my own two feet and find my own place – plus, I really didn’t want to move twice!

I slapped myself in the face and told myself I could do this. I repeated my `perfect apartments/landlords’ affirmation again, really felt it, and continued my search, making calls and set up 2 viewings for the next day.

The first was a bust but the second, well… my friend and I drove up to the house and my jaw dropped. It was in a gorgeous neighbourhood and the house was just as beautiful. The place was a busy spot, with a construction and cleaning crew running around. I was led into the living room to meet the home owner.

We spoke for over an hour, he showed me one apartment that was nearly completed (it had a stone fireplace!) and another one with an ultra cool layout that was just being started. Not only did I fall in love with the landlord and his crew, he told me the plans for the apartments and I just knew the Universe was sending me the “perfect apartments” for me to choose from.

Since the landlord is in business with his wife, he said he was going to discuss renting to me with her and he’d call me the next day. He didn’t and so I continued my apartment search online. The following day with only 5 days left before my move date, I took initiative and followed up with him. Unfortunately, he gave me disappointing news.

I was having a “good” day and really felt that the Universe was on my side, though. Seeing those apartments was a sign to me that it was possible to find something unbelievably breathtaking in my price range. So when the potential landlord told me his wife wanted to keep the one apartment that was almost done being renovated for their daughter, I was absolutely cool with it.

He told me how disappointed he was and shared with me that in 23 years of renting apartments, no one had ever printed out their credit score for him and that I really impressed him between this and my sparkling personality (ok, this last part is in my words ). He wanted to rent to me!

I told him how much of a pleasure it was meeting him, that it was too bad because I would love to rent from him and asked him that if something else should open up before October 1st, to please give me a call.

Can you guess what happened? Later that day, he called me up to discuss a plan for me to move in! He had spoken to his wife again and although the bachelor wasn’t livable yet and the one bedroom already had a tenant living there, he had come up with several options in which we could make it work and still make my move date!

So, here I am, writing this blog post in my new office in my snazzy, decked out (SO ME) digs, the fireplace is keeping me cozy and I LOVE my fascinating, funny and caring landlord and housemates. And can you imagine that this is only part of the story? There were other challenges leading up to my move date and other instances of manifesting what I wanted using the same attitude of abundance and graciousness!

What’s the moral of this story? First: focus on the positives and be grateful for them. Second: to actually feel the abundance of the Universe and trust It will deliver exactly what I need. Third: catch myself when negativity threatens my well-being and replace it with affirmations of what I want to co-create in my life. And fourth: do what I need to do to help make it all happen in this reality.

Note: I’ll update this post with pictures of the house and my apartment in the morning, when there’s daylight.

Do you over-think? You know, when your mind goes nuts and runs in a cacophony of negative thoughts that inevitably leads to depression, anger, resentment and all those horrible feelings that end up with you reacting, ultimately damaging your relationships, work and inner peace?

When my world turned upside down a month ago (read about it in A Spiritual Kick-in-the-Ass: Painful Yet Positive), a good friend of mine gave me a book that helped enormously. It’s called, Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Over-thinking and Reclaim Your Life by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D.

This book was/is a life-saver! It’s packed full of real-life examples and stories of over-thinkers who employed the author’s strategies (covered thoroughly in the book) to overcome their obsessive negative thinking. She also provides strategies to enable us to effectively deal with our troubling situations in order to make clear decisions and take action to improve life.

By the way, Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema is a professor of psychology and her research on over-thinking has won awards.

Thoughts are connected in the brain

According to Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema, our thoughts are woven together in intricate networks of associations. There is a network or node that has to do with family, another with your job, a separate one for your body image, etc. While they are specific to single pieces of your life, many of these nodes are connected to one another.

One result of all these interconnections is that thoughts about one issue in our life can trigger thoughts about issues that are connected through these networks. Sometimes the connections are obvious, other times we may not be consciously aware of the connections.

Thoughts affect our moods

To make things a bit more complicated, our network of thoughts about different issues in our lives is also connected through our moods and emotions. Situations that have aroused negative moods tend to be connected in one network of memories, while situations that have aroused positive moods tend to be connected in a different network.

As a result, when you’re in a bad mood, it tends to trigger a cascade of thoughts associated with that mood. And these thoughts may have nothing to do with the incident that put us in the negative mood in the first place. These nodes of negativity communicate with each other, feed on each other and amplify that poo-poo mood to give us even more to over-think.

How do people tend to respond to their over-thinking?

Dr. Susan says that distractions free us from over-thinking and break the cycle of negativity; however, it’s unhealthy to avoid thinking about our concerns all the time by engaging in constant diversions. Some people chronically deny or avoid their negative feelings which is just as unhealthy as over-thinking because the issues never get resolved!

For those of us who spend too much time thinking about our negative feelings and concerns, we can send ourselves into a downward spiral of uncontrolled depression, anxiety and anger. These people often turn to unhealthy ways to distract themselves, like binge eating, using drugs to quiet the mind or drowning in alcohol.

These unhealthy distraction techniques only backfire in the long run, though. Overeating tends to make us feel bloated and sick, which then activates feelings of self-disgust and guilt over our lack of self-control. Alcohol and many drugs are depressants on the central nervous system which brings our mood down, and often causes us to be more self-absorbed, activating even more negative thoughts!

(Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema’s studies have found that over-thinkers are more prone to binge drinking and having social problems related to alcohol use, like a loss of a job or divorce).

Constructive, positive distraction methods

If you’re an over-thinker, then I know you could use some help immediately. So before you pick up the book (which I highly recommend), here are just a few strategies the Doc suggests:

1. Exercise. Getting out of your head and into the Now can be as easy as doing something physical. Dr. Susan recommends doing something challenging, though, that requires a lot of attention. Her research indicates that runners, for instance, often over-think because when the activity no longer takes concentration to perform, your mind tends to go off on its own.
2. Playing with children or pets. Have you ever noticed how calming it is to just even watch children or animals? It’s because they haven’t been conditioned like we have, nor have the worries that often come with being a responsible adult. They live in the Now and when you watch or engage in activities with them, you get to experience a little bit of their peace. They often also ground us in what’s really important in life, like relationships and having fun!
3. Work. When you have work that engages you mentally and increases your self-esteem, negative thoughts disappear.
4. Schedule time for thinking. I love this one because it promotes balance – what Live Lighter is all about! Rather than totally ignoring our issues, scheduling time to think gives us the freedom to live in the Now and still deal with our problems. And because we’re more relaxed from living in the Now, it’s easier to discover creative, constructive solutions!
5. Hand it over to the Universe. Another favourite of mine. Spiritual folks know that worrying has never done any good and they have the faith that a Higher Power will either take care of the issue, speak to them through their intuition or send them a sign as to how they should deal with whatever ails them. (Although, I’ve discovered that even when you’re spiritual, you sometimes need to be reminded of this and/or build a consistent practice of reminding yourself.)

Again, I cannot stress how much this book helped me during my recent life event. Yes, my spiritual kick-in-the-ass saved my life, but it could have easily destroyed me if I hadn’t employed the strategies Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema outlines in Women Who Think Too Much. So a BIG thank you to Kim for lending me the book and to the Doc for her work in this area!

Do YOU tend to over-think? Do you use some of these positive techniques for distraction? Do you have any others not listed here that work?

Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life

Last week I shared with you a recent life event in A Spiritual Kick-in-the-Ass: Painful Yet Positive. Although I’m still working through the healing process, many beautiful things have happened over the week and I’d love to give you an update to help inspire you through tough times.

Have you ever experienced a loss that left you with such intense emotional pain that you couldn’t eat or sleep? Where it even caused a physical reaction of vomiting? That’s what happened to me last week. Funny thing, though, I think the retching had more to do with how I was choosing to respond to the loss.

For the first five days, besides bawling my eyes out, I tried to numb my pain with an addiction (like I have been for over a year now) yet I could barely finish a half a glass of wine when I became nauseous, ran to the bathroom and… blah! I believe my body was telling me that I needed to feel these emotions in order to heal!

I would never wish this experience on anyone but somehow I feel lucky to have it. It was a gift to have gone through this, to learn so much about myself and about love. I’ve discovered an inner strength I never knew I had! I have grown in character and emotionally matured so much from this pain and loss.

I feel more alive now than ever before because I am finally free of a bond that I tied to myself to, unknowingly giving myself up through this attachment. I had started to become more depressed when my expectations of this attachment failed to materialize and provide me happiness.

I was focusing on what I didn’t have rather than what I had! It was because of these self-inflicted shackles that I actually lost something quite special and precious, and that’s even besides myself (which I now realize is the most important thing in life).

I’ve gained a new perspective on life and on what I’ve lost. I’ve reprioritized my goals and deepened my relationships with others and myself. And best of all, I will never again take life and any of my blessings for granted again, and for that I am SO grateful.

And thankfully, once I let go of this attachment (although I’m still letting go more of it a little each day), it’s surprising how quickly I’ve come back to myself! I’m happy to report I’m back on the health wagon!

I’ve been journalling, exercising and eating clean once again. I am no longer reaching for addictions and obsessions to numb the pain but rather choosing healthy ways to cope with this experience and with the stresses of every day life. This is why I started this blog almost four years ago.

I believe in the healing aspects of a healthy lifestyle. I’m regaining my integrity more each day.

When I fell off the health wagon and slipped into depression, allowing this attachment to become ever increasingly important to me, I started to question my love of blogging and writing. And now that I’ve seen the light, it’s once again become a passion of mine!

I’ve transformed my loss into a growth experience, and I hope you’ll do the same. The way I see it, you can either choose to focus on your loss or focus on what you’ve gained. There’s always a bright side to every dark cloud.

That’s my heart and soul, Readers. And writing about it, sharing it, is SO freeing in itself. So, please, if you’ve gone through a loss and found happiness on the other side, and you’d like to share it, I’d love to hear about it.

Has life ever kicked you in the ass? I mean a wake-up call so loud and clear that you experience such emotional pain where change has become absolutely necessary? It happened to me in the last week and I’d love to share with you my lessons.

If you read Live Lighter regularly, you’ll know that I’ve been doing some things to get back on the health wagon. For one, I just had my third fitness training session with G Force Training (read about my first training session on their blog).

AND I’ve been under-going hypnotherapy to make some core changes to help me with my healthy living pursuits, including stopping smoking (read about my first hypnotherapy session in the 3rd part of my Yo Yo Healthy Living series).

I’m ecstatic to share that it’s all working! I’m changing. However, along with any change, it usually affects other aspects of life as we currently know it. Sometimes life has to kick us in the ass before we’re motivated to change (even more) to create our own happiness.

So, that’s what happened this week. Life kicked me in the ass. I’ve experienced great emotional turmoil and I accept the responsibility for creating it. Yes, my behaviour has led me here. I went through the darkness but because of it, I now recognize several hard-core realizations that I can no longer ignore.

Unfortunately, it took this spiritual kick-the-ass to wake me up. It’s exactly what needed to happen for me to see that while I’ve been changing, there’s more work to be done!

Although it was difficult, I had to let go of something that I had made more important to me than me. If I’m honest with myself, I was actually using it (along with my other addictions and obsessions) as a distraction from the real issue: my personal development. This knowledge is SO freeing!

I believe the emotional challenges this week has begun a shift in consciousness so that I can finally heal myself, rediscover myself and recreate my life.

The BEST outcome of all this darkness, besides the self-realization and the motivation to do things differently, is even more important: I feel SO blessed. I am truly surrounded by beautiful, caring and thoughtful souls. All the people I’ve connected with have ALL said exactly the right things. Thank you to everyone who’s been (and will be) there for me. I love you.

So what’s next? Well I’ve seen the light because of the darkness. My number one priority – as it will always be from now on – is me. I am the master of my life and I create my own happiness (I cannot expect to help make others happy without this). I’m inspired to continue on my path of personal development, starting with self-care!

Climbing back on the health wagon will help provide me the clarity I need. I did it once about four years ago so I know I can do it again. When I’m able to let go of all my addictions and obsessions, I can hear my intuition more clearly. It’s like life is saying, “Go this way!” And we just have to follow our guts towards happiness.

I hope sharing my recent spiritual kick-in-the-ass will help you with yours. Are you ready to share any of your recent life lessons?

After a short break to announce the winners of our latest contest, we continue Live Lighter’s Holistic Spring Cleaning Series with a review on a book about healing. We covered some practical tips and info for cleansing our bodies with food, now let’s look at cleansing our minds, hearts and spirits.

Leigh Fortson was “doing everything right” when she was diagnosed with cancer in 2006. For decades she learned about and practiced healthy lifestyle habits but even so, by 2008, Leigh was given her third cancer diagnosis. She set out to discover the missing elements of conventional medicine – and found them.

Embrace, Release, Heal illustrates the value and significance of holistic healing and cleansing. It highlights the effectiveness of recognizing humans as multidimensional beings and treating (at it’s basic, this means cleansing) all of our human aspects: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

Who will benefit from Embrace, Release, Heal?

As the sub-title suggests, An Empowering Guide to Talking About, Thinking About, and Treating Cancer, this book was written for those whose life has been impacted by cancer. As you’ll find out later in the review, it successfully fulfills this promise through real-life stories, information, practical tools and a litany of resources.

It’s these very aspects which make it just as relevant and powerful to anyone who holds an interest in health and healing. Specifically for people who wish to deal with the real roots of illness to provide potent healing – not just band-aid solutions.

Also just as fascinating are the revelations of modern medicine insufficiencies and a money-hungry, ineffective, multi-billion dollar cancer industry. Thankfully Leigh’s research also indicates positive change is already happening!

About Embrace, Release, Heal

From the book description:

…her doctor offered few treatment options and little hope. Unwilling to believe there was nothing left to do, Fortson set out to learn all she could about how diet impacts cancer, treatment alternatives, and the power of the mind-body relationship. Now cancer free, Fortson shares with us Embrace, Release, Heal, the fruits of her research and spiritual awakening distilled into one empowering book. With insights gleaned from a dozen experts, remarkable stories from people who have lived through cancer, and practical tools, this guide will help anyone whose life has been impacted by a cancer diagnosis. Covering the physical, emotional, and spiritual layers of the journey, this in-depth resource explores:

• The pioneering science on how our mind and emotions can contribute to both the cause and healing of a disease, as understood by Dr. Larry Dossey, Dr. Bruce H. Lipton, and more
• Snapshots of what Fortson considers the most progressive traditional, holistic, or integrative cancer treatment techniques
• How nutrition and supplements can yield surprising results
• Way to access the healing power of your subconscious mind and effectively use your intuition

Whether you’re trying to uncover what it means to have cancer or how to make sense of it, here is an uplifting and informative book to help you reclaim your authority and make empowered choices that are right for your health and well-being.

Any interesting questions raised in the book or debates discussed?

As I alluded to above, this book is chock full of them!

For instance, Leigh reveals the impact that negative thought and emotion have on physical health. Many people resist this idea because it requires taking personal responsibility in creating the illness – triggering negative emotions about oneself. Leigh supplies empowering proof that embracing this belief is actually instrumental in the healing process.

Besides some very interesting and controversial opinions (like there is no such thing as `cancer’), the author also includes research from ground-breaking discoveries (which mainstream medicine ignores) that suggest alternative medicine can be more effective and less harmful than conventional medicine.

Though, I love how the author and her sources never really bash contemporary medicine, and give kudos where it’s due.

Embrace, Release, Heal also contains some disturbing information about the current healthcare system and the powerful, dysfunctional cancer industry. It’s convoluted and far-reaching, beginning with how med students are taught in school to the power of the FDA, insurance and pharmaceutical companies.

Here’s a snippet from just one interview, this one is with Dr. Birdsall of the Cancer Treatment Centers of America:

Most of the large facilities that deal with cancer are academic medical centers. They focus on educating students, and they engage in medical research, but patient care often comes last. Even in the community setting, virtually all hospitals are referral driven. So for example, the doctor admits the patient into the hospital, so the doctor is really the hospital’s client, not the patient. Then the insurance companies pay the bills, so they’re also the client rather than the patient. In fact, the patient frequently isn’t even in the dialogue.”

How topical or important is the book?

Considering the World Health Organization predicts cancer rates could increase by 50% to 15 million by 2020, I’d say this book is very timely. For the millions of people who are and will experience cancer, complete with all its terrifying and horrific facets, this guide book will certainly dispense various levels of relief.

Personally, I also believe it’s an essential resource for everyone `fighting the war on cancer.’ Why? Because of it’s approach. Embrace, Release, Heal focuses on working with the illness to accomplish real, thorough healing rather than disregarding the lessons and growth opportunities that cancer provides.

It’s also topical because more people are recognizing the short-comings of mainstream medicine, the corruptness of the cancer industry and are seeking answers in alternative healing solutions. More people are taking responsibility for their health and discovering their own innate healing abilities.

Any new ideas presented in the book?

As you may have guessed from the review already, yes in spades! For myself, I was well aware of the placebo effect (where a patient heals through the positive suggestion by the doctor) but I had no idea about the nocebo effect which is the exact opposite. There are many cases where the negative opinion of doctors actually contribute to death!

Ok, that might not be new to everyone but what about the idea that cancer is actually a fungus?

In summary, Embrace, Release, Heal is a marvelous, enlightening and inspiring book for all those interested in natural, holistic healing. Although it’s packed with relevant and intriguing information, it’s got an empowering message and many real-life happy endings.

Purchasing info

Embrace, Release, Heal is due to come out May 1, 2011, and will be sold for $16.95 US. (Fill out this form to be notified when it’s available for purchase.)

Disclaimer

The publishers, Sounds True, sent me an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

Did the 2012 movie create some fear and apprehension about the future for you? You’re not alone. But in today’s post, Sandra Ingerman, author of How to Thrive in Changing Times, provides us a powerful, positive and empowering perspective (along with some tips) to consider.

Have you heard about the new documentary, Apocalypse 2012, examining the growing phenomenon of those who are convinced life as we know it will end December 21, 2012? Some people are thinking suicide and others have sold their homes to fund preparations for the cataclysmic event. (Source: The Observer)

This week I had the pleasure of meeting with Sandra Ingerman to discuss her latest book, How to Thrive in Changing Times. Sandra is a Shamanic researcher and like many spiritual leaders, chooses to view the 2012 prophesies in a more positive light. She actively teaches people how to create their future using ancient creation principals.

Read more about the book here and in my review. Also, Sandra’s book helped inspire, “The Perfect Healthcare System“.

The following is what transpired from our interview. Sandra shares her beliefs, practical tips to help us manifest our wants and desires (including a healthier planet & society), and suggests how we can incorporate these practices into our healthy living pursuits.

Time of Awakening

Humans have different aspects – body, mind and soul. Take away the body and mind, and we’re left with the spiritual part. This is the creative force we share with the rest of nature; It is God, Goddess, Universe, Chi, Vishnu, or however you prefer to label It.

In our culture, we no longer celebrate a connection with nature, like ancient cultures once did (some still do). We moved away from a spiritual place towards a more scientific, rational way of looking at life. We extracted ourselves from the Web of Life and forgot that what we do affects others and the planet.

While ancient cultures focus more on an inner world, western culture focuses on the outer world. But our culture is now beginning to realize that nothing the material world has to offer creates sustainable happiness. It is fleeting joy and we are left with the feeling of emptiness.

The 2012 prophesies refer to a spiritual evolution in human consciousness. It is an opportunity for mankind to access spiritual wealth and explore our spiritual gardens. Our thoughts and emotions are the seeds for our reality, and in this time of awakening, the fabric of reality (between the spiritual and material worlds) is dissolving. Those inner seeds are sprouting in reality much faster!

Time of Transition

From a spiritual perspective, life and death are one process. We have a big birth and big death but throughout our lives we experience little births and little deaths. Change is when something ends and something new begins.

Pain and suffering comes from resisting change; when we’d rather stay comfortable in the known rather than embrace the unknown.

In many spiritual traditions, including Shamanism, initiates typically go through an initiation rite designed to bring their egos to their knees. The idea is that pain and suffering reduces the ego and, like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, allows change to happen through the expansion of awareness and enlightenment.

This time of transition is an initiation of sorts. We’re being asked to look at how we’ve created an unhealthy society and planet, take responsibility and be part of the solution, and witness the power of community. Through pain and suffering, such as the devastation caused by natural disasters, we see the compassion, generosity, and amazing strength and abilities of the human race.

Birth of a Healthier Planet

By reconnecting with nature and tapping into our creative abilities, we can be a positive influence in this birthing process of a healthier planet. Using our imaginations is how we affect the outer world. We’re also creating our world with our thoughts, like Mahatma Gandhi once said:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.”

I believe our destiny (all those alive at this time) is to help with this transition predicted for 2012. That is, to find the discipline to reframe our thoughts and replace them with positive ones. To use our imagination and senses to do it. To do the inner work necessary to birth a healthier planet.

It’s worth noting here that this doesn’t mean to deny what’s not working, but as a community, to acknowledge what needs improvement. On an individual level, we need to believe all change is possible and look to our intuition for solutions. We can then use all our senses to imagine (and create) a healthy planet and society.

What We Can Do

We all have power when we work with the invisible realms. For instance, words are magic. In creation myths around the globe, all of creation began with a word or sound.

When we think or speak, are we planting seeds of hope or fear?

Here are a few ideas and creation practices I teach (you can find these and more in How to Thrive in Changing Times):

1. Replace thoughts & words. We can develop a daily practice for being more aware of what we’re thinking and saying. Replace negative thoughts and words with ones which will bring forth a more positive outcome.
2. Use your imagination. Rather than complain about what’s wrong in the world today, start imagining the world you’d love to live in.
3. Create a joyful state. Neural plasticity research indicates we can heal many physical disabilities, depression, and other ailments by creating new neural pathways in our brain. Next time you’re feeling blue, remember the good times and re-experience the joy of them through your memory, imagination and senses.
4. Reminders. Negativity is a habit. My office is full of beautiful words, images and inspiring thoughts to remind me of the positive side of this world, as well as to be positive myself. Use plaques, pictures and post-it notes as reminders to help form a new habit of positivity.

These creation practices help change perceptions. They are training for seeing the beauty no matter what’s happening. Shamanic cultures teach this `emotional alchemy’ where they evoke the feelings of appreciation and gratitude at will, especially when they’re ready to move out of pain and suffering.

They honour Nature and give thanks to It for the life they receive from the elements. I believe our environmental situation would change dramatically if a few more of us were to take up this habit. Nature is reflecting how we’ve been treating it, with dishonour and disrespect.

Final Thoughts

Shamanic teachings are about controlling the ego, mind and heart (emotions). We have thoughts and feelings, and while they are all very right and human, they also have different outcomes. We all have the ability to chose our thoughts and feelings, and with regular practice, we can create the world we want.

A big huge thank you to Sandra for taking the time to speak with us about her book and for sharing her beliefs, thoughts and practical advice concerning 2012. Find it all (and more) in How to Thrive in Changing Times. Hopefully this post has alleviated a few fears and inspired you to get practicing these creation activities!

In closing, I’d like to refer to Sunday’s post, “21st Century Magic: Garbage into Gold“. These stories get me excited because I predict a big part of our job in `birthing a healthier planet and society’ is achieving more of a balance between our dual aspects. That is, marrying the wisdom of ancient cultures (spirituality & manifestation) with modern wisdom (science & technology). What do YOU think about the whole affair?

Have you ever had someone you love let you down or another who failed to fulfill their end of a deal? Maybe you’ve had complete strangers wrong you by letting a door close in your face or by cutting you off on the highway? Would you believe these are gifts?!

Last week I shared with you that I was starting Debbie Ford’s 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse on Opera.com. Yesterday I finished Day 4: The Gift of Forgiveness.

(It’s an incredible program and only takes 10-15 minutes every day!)

I consider myself a very forgiving person; even thinking on occasion that I let people off the hook too easily.

But after yesterday’s cleansing ritual and meditation, I realized that I was harboring some pretty toxic feelings – and towards people that I absolutely love!

Ms. Ford revealed:

Releasing the invisible ties to those who have left you, betrayed you, disappointed you or hurt you, you open up to higher realms of love, peace and joy. Without forgiving them and cutting the cords of resentment, you continue to be imprisoned by the very people you’ve spent years (or a lifetime) trying to get away from and you are bound to the incidents that caused the resentment in the first place. And because the outer world is a steadfast reflection of your inner world, these resentment and grudges ensure that you re-create situations that spark the same bad feelings you want to escape from. Resentments and grudges are two of the main culprits that perpetuate cycles of self-abuse and victimhood.

What I realized from yesterday’s consciousness cleanse was that when people piss us off, they are actually presenting us a gift – if we choose to accept it.

I can hear you now, “Have you lost your freakin’ mind, Steph? These people are disrespecting us, walking all over us and damn it, we deserve better!”

No, I haven’t lost my mind and yes, we deserve to be treated better. However, people don’t intentionally set out to hurt others (maybe some do but it’s a small percentage); they’re just wrapped up in their own world. They’re dealing with their own issues or simply trying to cope with life the only way they know how.

So what’s this gift we’re talking about?

When someone does or says something that disappoints, angers or hurts us, they are triggering a very old, internal wound within us from childhood. These are our personal issues that we haven’t yet bothered to heal.

Now before you balk at this, saying that you had the perfect childhood, please keep in mind that perfect parenting is impossible! Childhood development is so rapid that no parent has the capacity or resources to fulfill every need a child experiences. Plus, we’re extremely sensitive as children. We get hurt very easily.

Time to get REAL personal

I’m about to share my recent revelations in hopes that you’ll be inspired to look within yourselves to identify your triggers and childhood wounds. Because, let me tell you, it’s such a FREEING experience! I guarantee that it’ll help you live lighter.

I found out yesterday that I have lingering feelings of resentment and anger towards my Mother, Grandmother and even, my Honey. My Mom is a brave woman and decided to raise me on her own. Needless to say, it was impossible for her to be there for me every time I needed her. As a child, I felt abandoned and neglected at times.

Today, I struggle with people-pleasing and tend to need love, attention and acceptance from others to feel fulfilled and happy. More than likely an effect of my childhood. I’m working on this, mind you.

So now, when my Honey is dealing with stuff going down in his life and lacks the energy to pay me enough attention when I need it, I get angry with him. I feel unloved, betrayed, neglected, etc. Just as I felt with my Mom when she lacked the resources to meet my needs!

Funny thing, though, I also discovered that I was harboring resentment towards my Grandmother because she would try to make me feel guilty for not spending more time with her. She was feeling neglected and unloved by me! I didn’t realize it at the time because I was so self-absorbed with my own life and troubles.

But this was an amazing insight! And I have to ask, “Did I try to make my Mom feel guilty for not being there for me?” and, “Do I make too many demands on my Honey’s time and energy or try to make him feel guilty?”

What’s my gift in all this mess?

When my loved ones piss me off, they give me the gift of independence. I don’t need anyone to make me happy. Sure, they may help facilitate feelings but essentially my feelings are my own and come from within me. No one can make me feel anything – that’s all up to me.

It seems as though we’re all a bit needy, whether it’s love and attention or autonomy and respect. So what Debbie Ford teaches us in Day 4 of her consciousness cleanse is of the gift of forgiveness. Because really, we’re all just hurt children looking to have our needs met.

So next time someone pisses you off, will you thank them? If you’re up for it, please share some personal insights with us. What are some of your triggers and where do they come from?

We talk a lot about detoxing and cleansing the body here on Live Lighter, and even went so far as to detox TV in January. We’ve also touched on how subconscious beliefs sabotage our efforts to change – that’s why I’m psyched to take Debbie Ford’s 21 day consciousness cleanse!

Ms. Ford talks about waking up one day without our old fears, doubts, unmet needs, limiting beliefs and perceptions that keep us locked in our repetitive, destructive patterns. I don’t know about you, but that sounds great to me!

Debbie has written The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse: A Breakthrough Program for Connecting with Your Soul’s Deepest Purpose. But what’s it all about?

She says:

“It’s a practical program that promises to alter the quality and direction of your life and support you in not only obtaining your goals for the new year, but, more importantly, creating a new loving and nurturing relationship with yourself and with the power that sources you. This program will enable you to take back your power from the outer world, turn inward and reconnect with your inner guide and your highest self. Instead of being guided this year by your head and what you think you should do, you will be inspired and directed by your heart’s deepest desires.”

But you don’t have to buy the book to participate in what she describes as “a detox diet for the soul”. Check out Oprah.com to access 21 links (1 per day) for excerpts from the book, exercises and even meditations!

Here’s a 1:28 minute video with Debbie sharing some of the testimonials from her program:

Special thanks to Emmanuel Lopez from Motivatorman.com for notifying me of Debbie’s new break-through consciousness cleanse program.

I’m starting the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse tomorrow! Will you be joining me on this soul journey? In case you missed it, click here when you’re ready.