If you know “the talk” with your teenage son or daughter is coming soon, you may feel a bit apprehensive, anxious, worried or downright scared! No need to be with a little know-how and preparation. To help you today is guest blogger, Melissa Stevens.
Nowadays, with the great help of the mass media, the most important thing in the world is sex. It’s everywhere. It’s not taboo any more. It’s not discreet. It’s everywhere. Music is about sex, TV and movies use it more explicitly. It’s not a shame to want it. On the other hand, the media promotes the idea that not having sex makes you uncool. The youngsters are puzzled! When should they do it? Whom with? How? These are the answers that should be answered by the parents.
How to be a good parent? What to advise the children and when? In the life of every parent, there’s that awkward moment when it’s necessary to have THE talk. Not an easy task for a parent! How to do it?
Prepare yourselves! Find as much information (online, books, councilors) and be calm and relaxed. Don’t tremble and don’t let your child surprise you with a question. You have to have all of the answers. It’s crucial.
WHEN TO DO IT?
The first thing to talk about is that their first time has to happen when they want it and not to be forced into it by their potential partners or society. There is never a perfect moment for that.
Each person should feel the moment when they are ready and willing. According to Guttmacher Institute, the greatest number of people have their first sexual intercourse by the age of seventeen, but there are examples as early as the age of ten or twelve. Try not to wait too much with the talk if you don’t want it to be too late. It’s relevant to mention that premarital sex is not is a bad thing and that sex is one of the factors of a good-functioning relationship.
It’s also important to advise your children that sex is meant to be enjoyed. This conversation is specially needed when it comes to girls who have been educated for centuries that sex is something for the men and that the woman should just please her man. They need to know that they should never do it unwillingly and against their wishes. Sex is not just a reproductive act and if they don’t enjoy it, they should stop it.
WHAT TO THINK ABOUT?
The second most important topic is contraception. It’s the thing that will protect your children from unwanted pregnancies and STDs. Being a teen and being pregnant (or a father of the child) is not a prefect option nor is an abortion. Try to explain the consequences of the teen pregnancy, what it means and how much it changes a person’s life, how much responsibility it demands and, of course, talk about varieties of birth control methods. Also, it’s important to clarify the potential problems and consequences of an abortion.
HIV and all of the other STDs are, unfortunately, still active and alive. For both of the possibilities, the term CONTRACEPTION is something to be repeated all the time. One moment of unprotected sex can cause enormous issues, sometimes even fatal. The most used form of contraception is a condom. It’s easy to use, it’s cheap and is common. It’s not a problem to buy one. There are pharmacies around every corner and nowadays it’s even possible to order condoms online. You can even buy a first pack for them.
Be ready, prepared. Talk as much as you can. Help them find their choice. Also, encourage them to ask for advice for their solution. Let them know that they can always consult you or their teachers, doctor or books. Let them feel free to explore.
In the end, let’s face it: this conversation is not an easiest task for any parent. You have to choose the right moment, the right attitude and the right words. But don’t worry about it! It’s going to be awesome! Just think of your sexual experiences and how much easier your life would have been if your parents had of spent the time with you on this subject!!!
About the Author
Melissa Stevens is healthy lifestyle and environmentally friendly living enthusiast. She is interested in practical solutions for simpler and more convenient life, and she likes sharing them with others. Mother of one cute boy, vegetarian for years, and in her spare time she is engaged in crafting, housekeeping, organizing family life and travel.
Have you already had “the talk” with your teen? What did you learn with the experience? What would you do differently knowing then what you know now?