Life sometimes throws us curve balls; and some of those balls land hard, right in your face. But it’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s how you respond to it. In today’s post I’d like to tell you more about my recent spiritual kick-in-the-ass, the challenges following it and how I attracted exactly what I wanted and needed into my life!
Earlier this year I slipped into a depression. Actually, to be honest, it probably started before that. Ever since moving into my first house over a year and a half ago, I’ve been neglecting my self-care. I kept making excuses, like we were in the middle of renovations, as to why I was unable to get back into my healthy routine.
My lack of self-care ended up affecting all areas of my life. When I was only half-heartedly and inconsistently taking care of my needs for my body, mind and soul, life became hard. I wasn’t really enjoying my freelance writing business anymore, and I felt like a fake blogging about health when I wasn’t walking my talk.
Overtime, my self-confidence deteriorated, I see now that I isolated myself, and hello depression!
My Wake-Up Call
This all really only dawned on me when my spiritual kick-in-the-ass hit (even though I knew better because I’ve been there before and got out myself out of it – that’s when and why I started this blog!). As my depression grew, I began using outside sources to lift me back up; not only substances but also a specific person and my role as a partner in my intimate relationship of almost seven years.
My spiritual-kick-in-the-ass came in the form of a breakup. (By the way, it was a good breakup – it was very mature and loving, actually, and resembled the type of relationship we had overall.) I realize now that I lost myself, reached for something to define `me’ and became attached to my relationship, making it and him more important than myself.
Things happen for a reason. I needed the breakup because I needed a wake-up call, a spiritual kick-in-the-ass. As Dr. Rubin says in The Art of Flourishing:
“Although no one courts misfortune, collective and personal crisis always affords opportunities for profound transformation. Calamity threatens the status quo and is often stressful and exhausting, but it is also the ripest time for change – potentially leading one to breaking through. When the existing coping strategies of either a person or an organization are not working they are more amenable to change.”
I read this a few short weeks after the breakup and it was a big AH-HA for me. The intense emotional pain I experienced during the breakup and the week following it was similar to the physical shock I experienced when I had my hot bath accident. It was almost spiritual – everything became very clear to me, especially my priorities.
It snapped me out of my depression and instantaneously I found myself again! I naturally reached out for what I knew would help me deal with this life event: my healthy routine. The first thing I did after the breakup talk was go for a walk.
I had 3 months to save up for rent, find a place and pack. Plenty of time, right?
So I focused on doing what made me happy: my healthy routine, going out with friends, blogging and freelance writing (yes, once my depression lifted and I found myself again, it came to me easily and I enjoyed it), working part-time as a waitress which I love because I get to be social, active AND make money, and I even started taking martial arts – something I’ve been talking about doing for over three years!
I was having so much fun living life again that I didn’t start looking for a place until about 6 weeks before the move date. To be honest, I believe a big part of me hoped that because I found myself again, my ex and I would fall in love again and start working things out.
Plan A was this awesome apartment in renovated old army barracks on the Lakeshore. Funny thing, I ended becoming attached to this apartment! I stopped looking for other apartments and focused on applying to this one while I packed.
Weeks went by and although the superintendent wanted to rent to me, and she fought to get me in there, the property management group rejected my application because my income was too low (I’ve been working solely on my freelance business for the past few years).
Dealing with feelings of rejection all over the board, I worked through the emotional baggage and held my chin up. Whenever I began feeling scared or negative thoughts entered my head, I caught myself and repeated, “I have many perfect apartments to choose from and fantastic landlords are clamouring over renting to me.”
The Move Day Countdown
With 3 weeks left before the move date, I began to search for apartments owned by private landlords. Because I had been rejected for my low income, I knew I had to focus on my strengths. I bought my credit report online and asked a long-time client to write me a glowing character reference letter. I made copies of my credit score and letter from my client, and hit the streets.
Are you aware of just how many indecent apartments there are in the Toronto area? I didn’t until I went looking for apartments within my budget. I must admit, I placed restrictions on my search as I wanted to live alone (I’ve never done so in my 34 years!) and didn’t want to pay any more than what I’ve been paying with shared housing.
With 2 weeks to go before my move date, every day for 4 days I got a big, bad piece of news. First, the restaurant where I worked during the summer no longer needed me. The next day I found out that my co-signer (yes, that’s right, I didn’t give up on Plan A) failed to meet the property manager’s strict standards while the third day had to do with a health issue that I thought was resolved.
With only 9 days left to find a place, my biggest monthly writing contract client broke the news to me that in her merger with an American company, she would no longer need my services. So here I was suddenly with (practically) no income and trying to find a roof over my head. I took it all fairly well that day, actually laughed at it all, but I needed a Plan C to fall back on.
The week before some friends had offered a room in their house as a temporary solution. I felt safe and comfortable with them and knew it would be a good place where I could heal and get back on my feet. I asked if their offer was still open and they said, “Of course!” Whew.
Attracting What I Wanted & Needed
Although these friends made a very generous offer, the next day I crashed with the full realization of my situation. I felt like a frightened child and just wanted to run away or curl up in a ball and cry like a baby (which I did for a bit). You see, it was very important to me to stand on my own two feet and find my own place – plus, I really didn’t want to move twice!
I slapped myself in the face and told myself I could do this. I repeated my `perfect apartments/landlords’ affirmation again, really felt it, and continued my search, making calls and set up 2 viewings for the next day.
The first was a bust but the second, well… my friend and I drove up to the house and my jaw dropped. It was in a gorgeous neighbourhood and the house was just as beautiful. The place was a busy spot, with a construction and cleaning crew running around. I was led into the living room to meet the home owner.
We spoke for over an hour, he showed me one apartment that was nearly completed (it had a stone fireplace!) and another one with an ultra cool layout that was just being started. Not only did I fall in love with the landlord and his crew, he told me the plans for the apartments and I just knew the Universe was sending me the “perfect apartments” for me to choose from.
Since the landlord is in business with his wife, he said he was going to discuss renting to me with her and he’d call me the next day. He didn’t and so I continued my apartment search online. The following day with only 5 days left before my move date, I took initiative and followed up with him. Unfortunately, he gave me disappointing news.
I was having a “good” day and really felt that the Universe was on my side, though. Seeing those apartments was a sign to me that it was possible to find something unbelievably breathtaking in my price range. So when the potential landlord told me his wife wanted to keep the one apartment that was almost done being renovated for their daughter, I was absolutely cool with it.
He told me how disappointed he was and shared with me that in 23 years of renting apartments, no one had ever printed out their credit score for him and that I really impressed him between this and my sparkling personality (ok, this last part is in my words ;)). He wanted to rent to me!
I told him how much of a pleasure it was meeting him, that it was too bad because I would love to rent from him and asked him that if something else should open up before October 1st, to please give me a call.
Can you guess what happened? Later that day, he called me up to discuss a plan for me to move in! He had spoken to his wife again and although the bachelor wasn’t livable yet and the one bedroom already had a tenant living there, he had come up with several options in which we could make it work and still make my move date!
So, here I am, writing this blog post in my new office in my snazzy, decked out (SO ME) digs, the fireplace is keeping me cozy and I LOVE my fascinating, funny and caring landlord and housemates. And can you imagine that this is only part of the story? There were other challenges leading up to my move date and other instances of manifesting what I wanted using the same attitude of abundance and graciousness!
What’s the moral of this story? First: focus on the positives and be grateful for them. Second: to actually feel the abundance of the Universe and trust It will deliver exactly what I need. Third: catch myself when negativity threatens my well-being and replace it with affirmations of what I want to co-create in my life. And fourth: do what I need to do to help make it all happen in this reality.